Things I learned about relationships
this is archived from a conversation
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what i mean by "relationships are really not that deep" is that communicating clearly and simply is the only course of action that is going to be healthy and successful. it's never worth hiding or pushing down feelings, basically ever; being clear about needs, boundaries, and perceptions is the only way to actually foster a healthy relationship (but obviously there are edge cases blah blah)
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in order to love someone you must accept them unconditionally. people can change, but never on your terms, only their own; they will not change just because you want them to.
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when you are around someone, that is what it is like to be around them. this seems tautological but it's important to keep in mind because feelings can distort cognition. they are not going to be meaningfully different in private. they are not going to be meaningfully different in some other situation. your experiences with them so far will be very close to the experiences you have with someone in the future.
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others may not prefer to express themselves in the way that you do. (e.g. i express myself through written words very easily; other people may not and may prefer to talk things through or, idk, like make art or whatever); if you want to form emotional connections with them you need to meet them where they are, in the way that they express themselves. expect that their vulnerability may look different from yours
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be attentive to and present with your feelings, because emotions are signals that are worth understanding. e.g. relationships (friendships or otherwise) should not make you feel powerless or anxious; those emotions are warning signs that something is wrong or not going well. in general intuition will tell you most of what you need to know about "how things are going"